pretentiousfuckwits...

...or how I learned to stop worrying and love the troll.
Mar 01
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Electric Light Orchestra - Time

Jet Records, 1981

He stood before the ivory-fronted headquarters of the company. He had no idea why he had come here. They couldn’t help him and he certainly wasn’t welcome any more - not after his failed attempt to run away to the colony on the moon. Perhaps he was here because this place had been the beginning of his end, or, to put it more aptly, the final phase of his final phase.

The sun came out, one of the few reminders that he was still on Earth, one of the few things that hadn’t changed since what he now called his “old life”. The rain was another one of those things, rain that had beaten down upon London yesterday just like it had back in 1981. The ivory facade glinted as the rays hit its polished surface. So clean. So… Sterile.

‘We’ve made remarkable progress in environmental protection solutions since your time,’ Mark had replied when he had asked him about this. ‘It really took off in the early 2010’s, but even then the world was so polluted it took us a few decades to clean it all up. Science is a marvellous thing, don’t you think?’

No, he had wanted to reply, I don’t. Science is what’s trapped me here, what’s stopped me from going home. He picked up his suitcase, turned from the building and descended the steps onto the street. Charing Cross Road was as crowded as it had been in his time, except now the trundling double-deckers and belching black cabs were gone, replaced by their eco-friendly descendents. People spewed across the road on the zebra crossings, a few insubordinate souls ran across in the middle of the road. It had been his biggest surprise - disappointment, at first - that people hadn’t changed considerably in the hundred years he had skipped past. Fashion was more or less the same; he didn’t stand out in his tweed suit. People weren’t wired permanently to computers, nor had they evolved alien feelers or elongated ears. Except, Thomas reminded himself, some of them were androids.

He crossed Charing Cross Road and headed towards Leicester Square. The ticket booths was still there, the queues as long as ever, however the bars and cafes had all changed. He stopped by the Odeon and looked over the ticket prices. This was a pointless task, as he had no idea how much the Euro was now worth and how prices related to each other; it was more an attempt to regain normality than to obtain useful information. He turned back to the square. The pigeons took to the sky and he heard, in his head, how she would laugh at the silly birds. It made him wince.

‘You can’t go back,’ Mark had said. ‘I’m sorry. We’ve not yet developed the technology. Going forwards is relatively simple, you see - some fiddling about with your molecular structure, then break the speed of light and you’re on your way - but we’ve not found a way to go back. Our company has been working on it since we’d developed the machine that brought you here.’

‘So what do I do?’ he had asked.

‘Wait,’ Mark had replied. ‘I’m sorry.’

He fished out the piece of paper Mark had given him. The company were willing to put him up with somewhere to live and provide false documents for him, but he would have to manage on his own from there. As he unfolded the paper to re-read his new address, a one-pence coin fell from it and toppled to the pavement. He watched it trace circles on the scrubbed granite, then come to a halt at his feet. He picked it up, gave Queen Elizabeth one last glance, then pocketed it. He made his way towards Piccadilly Circus, from where he would catch the Tube and make his way to his new home.

Review by Llama

Track list

1. Prologue
2. Twilight
3. Yours Truly, 2095
4. Ticket to the Moon
5. The Way Life’s Meant to Be
6. Another Heart Breaks
7. Rain Is Falling
8. From the End of the World
9. The Lights Go Down
10. Here Is the News
11. 21st Century Man
12. Hold on Tight
13. Epilogue

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Feb 05
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Pure Reason Revolution - Amor Vincit Omnia

Superball Music, 2009

I’d be lying if I said I’d been rooting for something different when PRR announced they’d started work on their second album. The soaring guitar riffs and monumental chorals of their debut, The Dark Third, had left me begging for more, and no amount of EPs and bonus tracks could satiate my hunger; at the same time, I was still reeling from the electro-prog vastness of the MySpace demo known as Deus ex Machina. I pounced on the album as soon as it appeared and immediately faced a problem. I mean it’s funky, it’s cool, it’s electro, it’s full of PRR’s signature vocal harmonies, it has a few hardcore riffs. So why am I feeling disappointed?

I’d compare this album to what you get when a fantasy novelist sits down to write sci-fi. ‘This’ll be a piece of cake,’ he thinks. ‘Sci-fi is just fantasy with computers.’ Allow me to clarify: no, it’s not. While fantasy allows you to do anything you like and requires no explanation, sci-fi requires a little something called cognitive extrapolation. In short, sci-fi must be at the very minimum vaguely plausible. You can’t just have robo-wizards casting mass-kill spells without grounding it in scientific theory, or at least scientific speculation. This, I believe, is what had eluded PRR as they recorded Amor Vincit Omnia. You can’t take a rock-opera frame, strip it of rock and stuff it with synths and expect it will sound plausible.

However, this album does do one thing with meticulous precision. It brings to PRR’s recorded work the quality that makes them sound feeble live: trying too hard. While The Dark Third sounds alive and fresh, Amor Vincit Omnia sounds strained, forced, perhaps trying to be something it isn’t.

Three llamas. For not ruining Deus ex Machina.

Reviewed by Llama

Track List


1. Les Malheurs
2. Victorious Cupid
3. Keep Me Sane/Insane
4. Apogee/Requiem for the Lovers
5. Deus ex Machina
6. Bloodless
7. Disconnect
8. The Gloaming
9. AVO

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Feb 03
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Telex - Looking for St. Tropez

RKM, 1979

Marc Moulin, the now-deceased frontman of Belgian synthpop trio Telex, once said of his music, “the best compliment anybody could pay us is that our music is disposable - that’s what all music should be.” Well, sorry Marc. It may be rather dated, but I love it.

And what’s not to love? It’s cheesy. It’s over the top. It’s almost unbearably catchy. It’s had a huge impact on today’s electronic music. Above all, it’s fun. Really fun. It’s like Kraftwerk with a lower budget, and a much better sense of humor. And they pretty much pioneered taking the piss out of Eurovision.

Be forewarned, though, most of this album is au francais.

Review by Luke

Track Listing:

1 Moskow Diskow (4:12)
2 Pakmoväst (3:38)
3 Café De La Jungle (1:07)
4 Ca Plane Pour Moi (5:21)
5 Someday - Un Jour (1:11)
6 Something To Say (5:01)
7 Rock Around The Clock (3:54)
8 Victime De La Société #2 (3:53)
9 Twist A St Tropez (3:18)
10 Moskow Diskow (Maxi) (5:22)
11 Le Fond De L’Air Est Rouge (3:21)
12 Victime De La Société #1 (3:54)
13 Quelque Chose A Dire (5:12)
14 Ave Fifi (4:00)

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Feb 02
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Hyu - Random Walker’s Delight

Chilidisc, 2002

This review from discogs.org says everything that need be said about this album:

This release is a perfect example of an album that will never in a million years get the attention it deserves. An unfortunate circumstance for a talented artist like Hyu, and certainly unfortunate for anyone else who falls into the same boat. Random Walker’s Delight is a ridiculous blast from start to finish, where technical sound expertise meets a dizzying array of pop-electronica, experimental ambience and glitchy IDM, just to name a few. And yet, it manages to sound nothing like these things. It understands it’s reference points and completely disregards them and their standard conventions, something that is admirable in many Japanese musicians. Hyu’s previous album hinted at these qualities, but it wasnt until this album that they were executed perfectly, with unbelievable results. So while the rest of the electronic world is hung up on ridiculous trends, self actualized irony, and a false understanding of what they think is innovative, truly great and unique artists like Hyu will get routinely ignored.

Review not by Luke

Track Listing:

01 Robotomy Mam (3:01)
02 My Foolish Island (3:29)
03 Harmonic Submarine (9:56)
04 Paoz (4:05)
05 The Ultimate Random Walker Come Back (5:20)
06 Bumper Crop (6:31)
07 Grid Bag Inventio (6:11)
08 Pinky Brain Wave (3:23)
09 C.B.D. (7:20)
10 Stepped Reckoner (8:47)
11 My Foolish Planet (0:18)
12 The Greater Attack Time! (8:51)

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